Why Do I Forget Everything? Memory Struggles in ADHD, Autism, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Imagine pouring your heart into learning something—whether it's a new skill, a topic you're passionate about, or even work-related information—only to forget it completely once your hyperfixation fades. Or having a deep, insightful conversation one day and struggling to recall basic details the next.

For many people with ADHD, autism, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), this isn't just "normal forgetfulness." It’s a frustrating cycle of deep learning followed by memory loss, often leading to self-doubt, impostor syndrome, and struggles at work or in social situations.

Worse, when the world around us doesn’t understand, we’re often labeled as careless, inconsistent, or even unintelligent—which couldn't be further from the truth.

So why does this happen? And more importantly, how do we work with our brains instead of against them?

Why Do We Struggle with Memory?

1. The Hyperfixation Memory Trap

Many neurodivergent people experience hyperfixation, where we absorb massive amounts of information quickly and deeply. But once that phase ends, the knowledge fades away just as fast.

Why?

The brain absorbs information all at once, but without reinforcement, it isn’t stored for long-term use.
When dopamine (the "motivation chemical") drops, so does the brain’s ability to recall details.
Our memory is context-dependent—we remember things better when we’re in the same mental/emotional state we were in when we learned them.

2. Executive Dysfunction & Working Memory Issues

People with ADHD and autism often have weaker working memory, meaning the brain struggles to hold onto and manipulate multiple pieces of information at once. This can look like:

Knowing a concept deeply but struggling to recall it when needed.
Forgetting important details even after hours of study.
Having ideas vanish the second we stop actively thinking about them.

3. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome & Brain Fog

People with EDS, POTS, and MCAS often experience brain fog, which can make memory struggles worse. This happens because:

Poor circulation (dysautonomia/POTS) reduces oxygen to the brain, making focus and recall harder.
Histamine-related inflammation (MCAS) can affect neurotransmitters, leading to cognitive issues.
Chronic fatigue and pain drain cognitive energy, making it harder to retain and retrieve information.

For those with both EDS and ADHD/autism, these factors can combine and amplify each other, making memory struggles even more intense.

The Emotional Impact: Being Misunderstood in a World That Doesn't Accommodate Us

“You’re Smart, So Why Can’t You Remember?”

One of the hardest parts of memory struggles isn’t just forgetting—it’s how others react to it. People often assume that forgetting means we don’t care or aren’t trying hard enough.

Common misconceptions we face:

❌ “You just need to focus more.” (We were focused, and we did understand—it just didn’t store properly.)

❌ “You explained it perfectly before! Why don’t you remember now?” (Memory isn’t consistent, especially for neurodivergent brains.)

❌ “If you were really interested, you wouldn’t forget.” (Interest has nothing to do with memory retention.)

When we constantly feel misunderstood, dismissed, or even mocked, it can lead to:

Anxiety about being put on the spot and forgetting something important.
Impostor syndrome, feeling like we’re “faking” our knowledge.
Avoiding situations where memory recall is needed (like speaking in meetings).

Workplace & Academic Struggles

At work or school, inconsistent memory can be frustrating—not just for us, but for others who expect reliability. We might:

Struggle to recall information on demand, even though we knew it before.
Forget instructions unless they’re written down.
Feel pressured to "mask" our struggles to appear more competent.

Unfortunately, many workplaces and schools don’t recognize these challenges as valid disabilities and may view them as personal failings instead.

How to Improve Memory & Work With Your Brain

We can’t change how our brains store information, but we can make things easier with the right strategies.

1. Externalize Your Memory (Don’t Rely on Your Brain Alone)

Keep a "Legacy Notebook" (digital or physical) for key learnings.
Use voice notes—explaining things out loud can strengthen recall.
Try visual notes or mind maps instead of traditional note-taking.

2. Reinforce Learning Gently

Spaced Repetition – Reviewing information in small doses over time helps prevent memory loss.
Active Recall – Instead of rereading, test yourself by summarizing a topic without notes.
Interleaving – Mixing different topics together improves flexible recall.

3. Create “Memory Hooks” for Easier Retrieval

Link information to emotions, music, or strong visual imagery.
Use humor or absurdity to make details more memorable.
Teach it to someone else—explaining forces deeper processing.

4. Calm Your Nervous System

Memory is directly impacted by stress and nervous system dysregulation.

Stress Management – Chronic stress disrupts memory. Practices like meditation, and deep breathing can help.
Gentle Movement & Vagus Nerve Stimulation – Movement customized to EDS bodies (like ParaMotion therapy, deep-breathing, and moving meditation) helps regulate the nervous system.
Personalized Support with ParaMotion – Check our ParaMotion YouTube Channel for EDS-friendly movement, or book a consultation for personalized support.

5. Supplements That May Help

Some people find cognitive and EDS-related supplements helpful. Always consult a doctor before trying new ones, but here are some that may support memory and brain function:

Omega-3 Fatty Acids – Support brain function and reduce inflammation.
Magnesium L-Threonate – May improve memory and cognitive function.
Lion’s Mane Mushroom – Supports nerve regeneration and brain health.
Acetyl-L-Carnitine – Helps with brain fog and cognitive fatigue.
Vitamin B12 & Folate – Support energy and neurological function, especially for those with MCAS-related deficiencies.
Electrolytes (Sodium, Potassium, Magnesium) – Crucial for people with POTS and dysautonomia to improve circulation and brain function.

6. Managing EDS-Related Brain Fog

Hydrate & use electrolytes (important for dysautonomia/POTS).
Identify histamine triggers (if MCAS contributes to brain fog).
Pace yourself—hyperfixation burnout can make memory worse.

7. Self-Compassion: It’s Okay to Forget

This is not your fault. Forgetting things doesn’t mean you’re lazy, careless, or stupid. Your brain just processes information differently, and that’s okay.

Instead of fighting your brain, build systems that support you. You might not retain everything, but with the right tools, you can make learning sustainable and less frustrating.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Broken

The struggle of forgetting what we love, being misunderstood, and feeling inadequate is real. In a world that doesn’t accommodate us, it can feel like we’re constantly fighting against our own minds.

But we are not broken.

Memory struggles in ADHD, autism, and EDS aren’t about intelligence, effort, or motivation. They’re about how our brains store and retrieve information—and there are ways to work with that, instead of against it.

So if you forget things, be kind to yourself. You’re not alone, and you’re not failing. You’re just wired differently—and that’s okay.

What Helps You Remember Things?

Have you found any strategies that work for your memory? Do you relate to the emotional struggles of being misunderstood? Share your thoughts! Let’s start a conversation. Need personalized help and training customized for neurodivergence?

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